As I'm sitting at my desk trying to decide what to spend my time doing, I wonder: what is life truly all about? What brings joy, success, peace, and contentment? I am an 18 year old girl, in the process of discovering who I am and what I want to do with my life, what God has planned for my future. There are so many questions, so many major decisions to make that leave me anxious when I lean on my own understanding. I'm realizing that at the root of all the things I am pursuing and longing for, is love. I want to be loved, respected, admired, pursued. This is what drives me to excel in school, constantly improve my exterior and interior, and inwardly criticize my flaws. I somehow believe that imperfections result in being undeserving of love and goodness. That's why I need to look my best, be the best, achieve the most. And it's not even about being good, I compare my self to others and have such a strong competitive nature that I need to outperform others. This is not what Jesus taught, is it? I'm reading through the gospel of John and the way Jesus lived his life is truly one-of-a-kind and counter-cultural. He didn't live for the praise of others, but passionately expressed God's truths so that we may live a new life. What selflessness. He was content with living an ordinary life and never had anything to do with the worldly pursuits we chase after. It's ironic how in the process of Jesus living humbly, selflessly, and different from everyone else, he became the most famous, impacting, and blessed man to ever walk the Earth. I think the reason why this is so hard for us to fathom is that, at the time when making wise decisions, the momentary consequences seem to hold such gravity that prevent us from seeing long-run benefits. We lack perspective and humility to see that life is not all about getting what we desire, accumulating physical wealth, and being treated fairly. Jesus did not have physical wealth and was definitely not treated fairly, by any stretch. But now he is above all of us living in paradise!
I guess the moral of these insights is that...the world does not revolve around little old me. So what if I don't attract attention from that guy? Or receive any Nobel prizes? Or have flawless skin? I want to imitate my role model who put himself last, and in turn was radiant, courageous, and the greatest romantic of all time.
- meg.
