weakness and strength

Whenever you think something's easy, it gets hard. Coming back from the high of summer and camp and everything, I was feeling on top of the world, ready to face school with my nerf gun of evangelism loaded. I was going to defeat the back-to-school slump, have amazing quiet times before sun up, connect with disciples all the time, share my faith, etc etc etc. 

If only that were the case and I could find my security in all the "things" I do and how "strong" I am! ...

I'm thinking God was trying to show me what a fool I am. Good news, he was successful as always! Like clockwork, as school started, I got overwhelmed with homework, slept in more often than not, and my time with christians diminished slowly as each week went by. I was so frustrated and felt so lost, like there was always a looming cloud reminding me of my failures. I felt discouraged which brought me farther from God rather than closer. I wanted so bad to be close again, but it felt like my efforts weren't working. 

It wasn't until I really got open, had great time with close friends and my discipler, that I started to feel hope again, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I started to pray again and surrender all these emotions to God. And this week has been one of the best! I don't know what shifted, but I know it was all from Him, and I'm so grateful. It was hard when I felt so unworthy and not enough, but I know God used those times to teach me I can never get my security from my own accomplishments, least of all my emotions! I can never earn grace, no matter how much I try. He's teaching me to accept my failures and just come to Him with everything. It's so freeing to know that God won't give me what I deserve. I'm not sharing this to boast at all, quite the contrary! I'm saying that I stink. God is great. And I hope whoever's reading this will feel a sense of hope and encouragement that we will fail! All the time! And that's okay!

Man, I wish someone told me that before. Oh wait, they did. Satan's a tricky trickster sometimes - all the time.

Ha, but yeah that's the latest and the greatest. 

Hope you have a great day ! But if you don't, that's okay too, sometimes we need some bad days...

OKAY BYE.

meg. :)