the attack

Do you ever have days when you feel all these emotions but can't explain why? You could have had an amazing day yesterday, but as soon as the sun begins to rise signalling a new day, your awoken to feeling like nothing in the world is going right. It doesn't make any sense! Cursed hormones take over and we're left defenseless, without a rational bone in our bodies as we resort to believing what we 'feel' as the truth.


Well I've had the emotional blues the past couple days, it's sad to say. Please don't pity me or think I'm writing a pathetic sob story - I felt the need to expose these lies that we so easily fall into because we need to fight against Satan's ploys he uses on us! 


Lately I've been struggling with feeling unaccepted and even unlovable - i fail so many times and try to find security in what I see, like my image or appearance or acceptance from others. I tire myself out and am never filled, which makes me feel more insecure and angry at myself for letting my feelings get the best of me, when I could have just surrendered everything to God in the first place. It's this spiral that slowly deteriorates my confidence and trust and security - exactly where Satan wants me. And this is the place where he can get me to do his deeds because I'm deceived into thinking I can find joy and fulfillment in it. I become nearsighted and blind and forget all of God's perfect promises and gracious blessings, and lose hope. 


But the amazing thing is, even though I can give up on myself, God never will. It's still extremely hard for me to grasp that He truly loves me despite all the ways I can run to other idols. I can't imagine loving someone who was unfaithful to me and who told me he loved me, then went to another girl. And it's sad to think that we do that to God! But He's not like us, and His love, forgiveness, compassion, and grace is perfect. Just like a perfectly made cupcake or the perfection of newly fallen snow, God is perfect. Instead of being prideful and critical of our many mistakes, He has compassion on us and sees our strengths, sees the potential instead of the problems. 


I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this, but I guess this is what I'm learning right now. I haven't written in so long because I haven't known what to write about, but I guess it's a blessing in disguise that God put me through these seemingly terrible emotions.


Without feeling low, I wouldn't see who I am without God, and how much I truly need Him. Like silver, He refines us. If He didn't care about us, He wouldn't bother going through the process of putting us through tests and challenges. Clearly, He must love me a lot if He is taking me on this constant roller coaster called life - God, don't you know I'm afraid of heights? :P


Just earlier today I was feeling shameful, ugly, judged, alone, hypocritical, and unloved. Now I feel cared for, content, inspired, grateful, and loved. And these feelings will go away if I don't start holding on to God's promises! 


I encourage you beautiful ladies (and guys if you're reading) to examine how you're feeling right now. Take out the headphones, close your facebook and turn off the tv, and really think: What am I believing in right now? How do I view myself? What am I striving to find security in? What lies am I mistaking for truth? The only way to find the truth is to look into God's words because He is the only perfectly truthful thing we have. (HINT: If you ever feel that you're not attractive or smart or enough, you're wrong! Don't believe it sista!) haha. true story.


Anyways, I hope you have a splendid rest of your week and are able to see yourself how God sees you - amazing, super cool, and worth every ounce of His time and effort. :)


meg.


P.S. I did indeed get my license and have been cruising around town quite frequently, it's pure bliss. :D


"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made...The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down...He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." - psalm 145:8-9, 13-14, 19